A Word of Courage to Mama's in the Trenches ~ A Gaze to Fix Our Eyes Upon

I am a mama of three little ones on earth and one little one in Heaven. My days are filled to the brim with joy as I watch my three children enjoying the life God has given them and all the wonders of the world around them. Yet my heart also can be just as filled to the brim with anxiety, fear, and dread. I feel like I am constantly searching to find things to fill my children's lives with wonder and joy. When I see a ladybug on a flower petal as we are out walking, I quickly call to them to look and behold the tiny creature that God has made; or if I see a rainbow in the sky, I want them also to see it and marvel at the beauty of God's creation. All these once ordinary sights have become a whole new experience for me as I behold my children enjoying them, and I see that all these beautiful things are filled with GLORY! Just as the "heavens declare the glory of God" (Psalm 19:1) so the dew drops on the blades of grass also display His handiwork. 

So it seems to me that all us mamas want to fill our children's lives and eyes with the glorious sights around us. We want to watch them enjoy all the beautiful things in the world that we live in, and yet how limited we feel and inadequate to this task. We feel the limitations that our circumstances bring into our lives or our own lack of energy and strength to be able to search out all the glories that our children could enjoy. We grow discouraged and worried when we seem to be unable to accomplish our heart's deepest longing. We are afraid that we will miss out on the best days of our lives because we may not give our children all that we long to see them enjoy, and how will that impact their lives? We are restless inside as we feel all this tension from day to day. I am also reminded quite often by others how quickly this season of motherhood will pass and how much I will miss it. I already miss it and I am still in it! This can cause my heart great sadness and turmoil. Yet I think I would do well to remember what St. Augustine once said, "Our hearts are restless until we find our rest in Thee." The only place that I can lay down these heart burdens is at the cross of Christ. When I run to Jesus my Savior, I find rest because He reminds me that the best days of my life as a mama are yet to come.

The reason I pour my life out for my children every day is so that they may know the Lord Jesus Christ. In many ways, I have to die every day as I give up more and more of myself and my longings and desires in order to make much of Christ in these little lives. I give up my way, my comfort, my dreams, my plans, my time---In the words of Jim Elliott, I give up what I cannot keep to gain what I cannot lose---when I choose to obey Jesus as a mama. As I rest in God's Word and gaze on my Savior's beauty, I realize that the greatest sight I shall ever see as a mama---the greatest GLORY I could ever show my children---is the day I see them running into the arms of Jesus with their eyes filled with wonder as they look upon our Lord and Savior and touch Him and study the wounds in His hands, feet and side. I think that one glimpse of my children enjoying Jesus will make all the sacrifice, heartache, and unfulfilled longings fade forever from my mind as my heart is filled with the glorious sight of seeing my children wrapped in the love of God as Jesus' arms holds them tightly in His embrace. Then to imagine us all enjoying our great God for all of eternity together---beholding GLORY forever and ever in perfect peace!---and all the amazing wonders that Jesus will show us moment after moment is beyond this mama's heart of mine.

As I think of all this, I remind myself that the best days of my life as a mama are yet to come. So I run the race set before me of proclaiming and living out the Gospel to my children by God's help and grace. I embrace my Savior Jesus as I am confronted with my great weakness, insufficiency, and limitation because if they reveal the power of God to my children and how desperately I need Jesus---if all that I am not, points to all that Christ Jesus is---then I rejoice! For my children's greatest need is to know Christ, and to have their hearts washed clean in His blood. 

So today I rest in God's will for my life even when it does not make sense, and I rest in His will for my children's lives and by His grace I am filled with the confidence that He will use every joy and sorrow to show my children who He is and how much they need Him. I rejoice in God's plan for my life even when I am confused and walking in darkness, and I rejoice in His plan for my children's lives knowing that He alone can satisfy our hearts and fill our eyes with His glory. I constantly remember the cross as I battle my sin and my discouragement, and I remind my children again and again of how much they need Jesus Christ to be their Lord and Savior. I reach out to my little ones with weak, feeble arms filled with a glorious message of hope that we are not home yet and the best is yet to come for all those who love the Lord Jesus.

I still search out the glorious sights and experiences for my children to enjoy, and it is a picture to me of that great day by God's amazing grace when I will see them enjoying Jesus! And I am eagerly looking forward to the day when I will see my little one, who is in Heaven already and whom I have never met before, enjoying the presence of our Lord and I know that I will join right in with my child in enjoying Jesus too!